We have to take sides when it comes to abuse.
If we remain neutral in the face of abuse, we are helping the abuser. Our silence is what he wants. Abuse continues because it works for abusive men, they get their way with no consequences.
Updates
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How to identify abuse: #4 The Pattern.
Abuse has a pattern. It is not an isolated event. In any long-term intimate relationships, both parties will have moments of being thoughtless, or even hurtful to the other. But an abusive person has a pattern of repeatedly doing hurtful and controlling things over and over again. The intention is to create fear and confusion…
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How to identify abuse: #3 Motive
The motive behind abuse is to have power and control over the other person. Women who come to our support group are often fearful that they are abusive. This is because they have yelled at, swore at or hit their partners. When we ask women to recall the context in which they behaved this way,…
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How to identify abuse: #2 Power imbalance and the abuse of power.
In order for someone to be abusive to someone else, they have to have power over that person. In many of our relationships, one person has more power than the other person. Most of the time, men have more power than women in intimate relationships. The most common forms of power in heterosexual relationships are…
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How to identify abuse: #1 The “fear factor”.
How to identify abuse: #1 The “fear factor”. So the question has been asked: “How can we tell who is the abuser and who is the abused?” We know that 83% of the time (Stats. Canada), if abuse is being perpetrated in a relationship it is the man who is being abusive. But we also…
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Aren’t women abusive too?
Aren’t men just “too ashamed” to report abuse? Some people think that abuse happens to men at the same rate as women but they are “too ashamed” to report it. Here’s the thing, women are ashamed to report it too. The women we work with are extremely reluctant to call abuse abuse. Women are silenced…
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Four things to look out for to try to avoid an abusive man:
#4: Listen to your gut! If your gut (or inner voice) is saying to be careful, be careful! The man’s friends and family may say he is a “great guy”. Your friends and family may think he is a “great guy” but if there is something inside of you that is making you feel uneasy,…
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Four things to look out for to try to avoid an abusive man:
#3: Does he speak negatively of his ex-partner? If a man says that his ex-partner is crazy or abusive, be cautious. Abusive men always say this about their ex-partners. To their own detriment women often believe a man when he says this about his ex. It is often only years later that the woman learns…
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Four things to look out for to try to avoid an abusive man:
#2: Is he trying to rush the relationship? Not all abusive men try to rush the relationship but many do. One way a woman can try to protect herself from an abusive man is to try to slow everything down. If he says, “I love you” too soon or wants to move in together right…
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Four things to look out for to try to avoid an abusive man:
1#: Will he respect your “no”? Abusive men like to be in control and so one way for women to protect themselves is to see how a man reacts to her “no”. If she does not want to go to the restaurant he suggests, she can say “no” and suggest another. If he wants to…
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What’s it like to live with an abusive man?
This video explores the Cycle of Abuse from the perspective of the woman. The Cycle of Abuse is the behaviour pattern of abusive men but this video asks the question, what’s it like to live with someone who is loving and kind one day and hateful the next? This video will help those seeking to…
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Why we have to take sides when it comes to abuse:
If we remain neutral in the face of abuse, we are helping the abuser. Our silence is what he wants. Abuse continues because it works for abusive men, they get their way with no consequences. None of us would stand back and remain “neutral” while a grown man beat up a child but this is…
