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About When Love Hurts

Women who have been abused by their partners are often isolated. It is a common tactic for abusive men to cut women off from the support of friends or family. Embarrassment, fear of “being a failure” and a desire to protect their partners also tend to keep women silent.

Even when women take the brave step of reaching out for help, that response is not always helpful. Too often women are given bad or even dangerous advice, leaving women more alone and more confused.

“When Love Hurts is a great resource for any woman who is tired of taking the blame for a painful relationship. If you wonder why the man you love is hurting you — and what you can do about it — this book will give you all kinds of useful information and strategies for changing your life. Just as importantly, it makes it clear that you are not responsible for his abusive behavior.”

by Jackson Katz author of The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help

What if everyone understood – really understood the dynamics and impacts of abuse on women? Imagine if women weren’t afraid or embarrassed to speak up but knew that if they did speak up they would be supported, protected and helped. Imagine if all counsellors, police officers, social workers, clergy, friends and family understood the complexities of woman abuse and chose to support women and allow women to remain the experts on their own lives. We are a long way way from that right now. But that is our vision as we send this website out into the world. We want all women who have experienced abuse to be embraced and supported into a better future, free from fear.

We have filled this website with helpful and practical information. Our hope is that women will draw on the website to help them feel stronger and clearer about what is really going on for them. Our hope also is that service providers, friends and family will also draw on this website as a resource to develop a clear understanding of the dynamics and realities of abuse.

Everything on this website is what we have learned from women over decades of working in this field. Too often, when women realize they are being abused, they find that they have to figure it out all by themselves. We don’t think it should be that way. By reading this website, women can learn from hundreds of other women who have gone before them. Questions like “How to find a good counsellor… ”   “How to understand your conflicting emotions… ” and “When is it time to get legal advice?…”  are all addressed on this site.

If someone you know is being abused, she needs you to be a solid source of good support. We think this website can help you to be that kind of support person. If you are being abused by the person who is supposed to love you, we hope this website will be one source of support for you but we also hope that you will reach out to other good resources in your community.  You deserve all the support and understanding you can get. This is probably the most difficult time in your life. You should not have to be alone.

Jill and Karen



When Love Hurts