#5 Don’t be surprised that the abuse continues after separation. Men, who are abusive, will continue to abuse after separation. They will do this through any ties that the man and woman still have in common (eg. children, assets, the court process, pets, mutual friends etc.) Many women find the first year or two after…
#4 Be a listening ear and know that you need to be there for the long haul. It is very common that a woman will need months or years to put a plan in place that will lead eventually to a better life. As outsiders, we often hear women’s pain and want to do something…
Women often struggle with their feelings of love for their partner. Perhaps others have suggested that you are “crazy” for still loving him. We do not think you are crazy. We think you are having normal feelings that make a lot of sense, given your situation. When you first met your partner, he demonstrated a…
#3 Believe the woman. Lots of people will listen to the woman’s “side” and then the man’s “side” and decide that the truth must lie somewhere in the middle. Men who are abusive always minimize their abusive behaviour and often will out and out lie about their partners. Women who have been abused also tend…
Sometimes women wonder if their partner’s problem is abuse or addiction. If you know your partner has an addiction, maybe you hope that if he gets clean and sober he will stop being so hurtful towards you. Unfortunately, women’s experiences have taught us that this is not likely the case. It is painful to consider…
If you are reading this blog we don’t think you are in denial. If you are reading this blog you are thinking critically about your relationship and searching for answers. That is not denial. Women who are living with abusive men sometimes get accused of being in denial but we don’t think that is what…
#2 Let the woman be the expert on her own life. She knows more about herself, her partner and her children than you ever will. You can support her but you should not take over her decision making process. Rather, you can help her listen to her gut and figure out what is going to…
Sometimes women wonder if they are addicted to their partner. Claire described her feelings in this way. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I can’t seem to stop thinking about him. I know he has hurt me but I just keep thinking about how good things were in the beginning. Part of me…
The term “codependent” has its origin in the AA movement. The idea is that someone who lives with an alcoholic or drug addict often ends up developing an unhealthy dependence on the substance user. We think there are a lot of problems with this term and want to look at it critically. It is important…
#1 Make her safety (emotional and physical) the priority. Don’t do anything without her explicit permission. Without meaning to, you could make the situation worse or put her at risk for harm. Ask her what you can do that would be helpful to her. Being a listening ear is very helpful and may be all…
Many women find it hard to imagine that their partners are abusing them. Part of the struggle has to do with the negative stereotype our society has of ‘battered women’ and ‘abusive men’. If neither you nor your partner fit the stereotype, it may be difficult to imagine that you’re actually being abused. Women who…
Media release: October 10, 2012 October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. As we apprach mid month, it is important to consider that one in four women will experience partner violence in their lifetime. Terrorized in their own home, ridiculed for their opinions, or forbidden to buy a cup of coffee: these are some of the…