We are excited to open registration today for a special spring training event for therapists, transition house staff, advocates and other helping professionals.
Oh Brave Woman. You have said “no more”. You have walked out or changed the locks or closed your ears to lies spat at you night after night. You are brave like Rosa Parks who on December 1,1955, in Montgomery, Alabama decided she must live as the full human being she was. She did a…
The Jian Ghomeshi scandal has provoked lots of discussion. One take-away for all of us, I think, is that guys who seem really “nice” are sometimes violent to women. I listened often to the radio show, “Q” and enjoyed Ghomeshi’s broadcasting. He seemed like a genuinely good guy. But here is the thing: men who…
This post is from ShamelessSurvivors.com: It doesn’t start off with a punch in the face or a knock down fight. It is a gradual desensitization. Pushing the limit just a little each time. A comment here. Criticism disguised as concern for you. Teasing in the uncomfortable zone. Testing you to see where the resistance is,…
Abuse happens when there is an imbalance of power. It is impossible to understand abuse – when it happens and how it happens – without an examination of power. Sometimes the women I work with have done things they are ashamed of in their relationship. They have slapped their partner across the face or thrown…
Helping professional are well intentioned but sometimes for women experiencing abuse, that help is not helpful. In fact, sadly, sometimes the ‘help’ is harmful to women. How is this possible? Well, let’s think about the dynamics of abuse. Men who are abusive are motivated by a desire to have power and control over their partner….
Have you ever thought, “If my partner hit me, I would leave”? We wonder if this is true. We know that women don’t find abuse acceptable, but a simple equation of abuse = leave ignores the complexity of most women’s lives. It is easy for a person to say this if they have never been…
#5 Don’t be surprised that the abuse continues after separation. Men, who are abusive, will continue to abuse after separation. They will do this through any ties that the man and woman still have in common (eg. children, assets, the court process, pets, mutual friends etc.) Many women find the first year or two after…
#4 Be a listening ear and know that you need to be there for the long haul. It is very common that a woman will need months or years to put a plan in place that will lead eventually to a better life. As outsiders, we often hear women’s pain and want to do something…
#3 Believe the woman. Lots of people will listen to the woman’s “side” and then the man’s “side” and decide that the truth must lie somewhere in the middle. Men who are abusive always minimize their abusive behaviour and often will out and out lie about their partners. Women who have been abused also tend…
#2 Let the woman be the expert on her own life. She knows more about herself, her partner and her children than you ever will. You can support her but you should not take over her decision making process. Rather, you can help her listen to her gut and figure out what is going to…
The term “codependent” has its origin in the AA movement. The idea is that someone who lives with an alcoholic or drug addict often ends up developing an unhealthy dependence on the substance user. We think there are a lot of problems with this term and want to look at it critically. It is important…