#3: Does he speak negatively of his ex-partner? If a man says that his ex-partner is crazy or abusive, be cautious. Abusive men always say this about their ex-partners. To their own detriment women often believe a man when he says this about his ex. It is often only years later that the woman learns…
1#: Will he respect your “no”? Abusive men like to be in control and so one way for women to protect themselves is to see how a man reacts to her “no”. If she does not want to go to the restaurant he suggests, she can say “no” and suggest another. If he wants to…
If we remain neutral in the face of abuse, we are helping the abuser. Our silence is what he wants. Abuse continues because it works for abusive men, they get their way with no consequences. None of us would stand back and remain “neutral” while a grown man beat up a child but this is…
#5: An abusive man will work hard to “win” family and friends over to “his” side. I really wish everyone knew this! I have walked alongside MANY women who have lost most of their friends and sometimes most of their family because family and friends choose to believe the man and distance themselves from the…
#4: An abusive man will say his wife is “crazy”. It is important to know that abusive men will often say that their partners are “crazy”. This is a powerful way to discredit a woman and add to her isolation. If everyone knew that this was a common tactic of abusive men and were skeptical…
#3: An abusive man will accuse his partner of being abusive. In the experience of the women we work with, most abusive men will say that their partner is abusive. This gets confusing for friends and family standing outside of the relationship. It is interesting that most women are very hesitant to use the word…
Five important things to know about men who are abusive…#2: An abusive man presents himself to family and friends as a “great guy”. As a society, we have this idea that abusive men are “monsters” but in reality abusive men present themselves in a very positive light. Most of the time they function in social settings very well. They can be charming and outgoing. Sometimes they will be very helpful to others and generous with their time. For this reason, it is extremely important that friends and family believe a woman when she takes the courageous step of saying that her partner is controlling, hurtful or abusive.
#1: An abusive man functions well in the world. As a society, we tend to believe abusive men fit a stereotype – they are unemployed and/or drunks. In reality abusive men usually function very well in society. They hold down jobs, own homes and most often relate comfortably with family and friends. If we think…
This video explores the Cycle of Abuse. This is the behaviour pattern of an abusive man. Karen describes the three phases of the Cycle of Abuse: Honeymoon, Tension Building and Explosion. This video will help those seeking to support women who have been abused as well as women themselves.
The abuse in my marriage began very early into the relationship although I was never able to identify it as abusive behaviour. Somehow, my husband would justify his behaviour and end up making me feel I was to blame for his actions. I would end up apologising to him when I had done nothing wrong…
I was abused by my husband for the entirety of our 12 year relationship. It took me 12 years to put a name to this crazy behaviour, because this abuse did not take the form of physical blows. It started off subtly with mindgames, teasing. He found it funny to see me get upset, so…
No doubt you have spent a lot of time and energy trying to figure out what causes your partner to behave the way he does. Listed below are some common explanations that women struggle with as they try to make sense of their partner’s behaviour. 6 myths about abusive men My partner has a problem…