abusive men

You can’t rationalize with an irrational person

Jill and I see women working very hard to communicate with their partners. Women try to explain themselves and be rational with their partners. But the problem is that their partners are abusive and abuse is not rational. Abuse is about power and control. It is about diminishing the other person and “winning” the argument….

The Blame Game vs. the Consequences of His Actions

Abusive men blame their partners for everything. This is one of the hallmarks of abusiveness. They will blame their partners because their kids don’t want to see them. They will blame their partners for abandoning them. They will blame their partners for “destroying the family”. But really, the abusive man is just facing the consequences…

Instead of asking, “why doesn’t she leave?” ask, “why doesn’t he stop?”

Often when people are trying to understand woman abuse, the first question they ask is, “why doesn’t she leave?” This is a faulty starting point. The point really is why does he continue to be abusive and why does society, in subtle and not so subtle ways, allow the abuse to continue?

Can abusive men change?

Yes they can, but statistically, they do not very often. This is because abusive men face very few consequences for their behaviour. By staying abusive, they continue to have power and control. They get their way all the time. Usually these men leave a wake of destruction behind them as they go from one relationship…