Drown
One woman’s poetic description of navigating the horrors of Family Court
Jill and I see women working very hard to communicate with their partners. Women try to explain themselves and be rational with their partners. But the problem is that their partners are abusive and abuse is not rational. Abuse is about power and control. It is about diminishing the other person and “winning” the argument….
Abusive men have patterns to their behaviour. One of those patterns is that they tend to shift blame from themselves and on to others – particularly their partners. They hone their blame shifting skills to a very high level. For example, a man might blame his failure to live up to a responsibility (like picking…
I’ve been working with women impacted by abuse for over 18 years. I have never met a woman who wanted her marriage to be over. I have met lots of women who wanted – needed – the abuse to end and came to the painful realization that the only way the abuse was going to…
Abusive men blame their partners for everything. This is one of the hallmarks of abusiveness. They will blame their partners because their kids don’t want to see them. They will blame their partners for abandoning them. They will blame their partners for “destroying the family”. But really, the abusive man is just facing the consequences…
I have worked for 18 years with women who have experienced abuse. In my experience, there are a few common things men who are abusive say about their ex-partners. Perhaps most commonly, they say the woman was “crazy”. They may even go so far as to say the woman was diagnosed as mentally ill (often “bipolar”) when…
Often when people are trying to understand woman abuse, the first question they ask is, “why doesn’t she leave?” This is a faulty starting point. The point really is why does he continue to be abusive and why does society, in subtle and not so subtle ways, allow the abuse to continue?
Sometimes women wonder if their partner’s problem is abuse or addiction. If you know your partner has an addiction, maybe you hope that if he gets clean and sober he will stop being so hurtful towards you. Unfortunately, women’s experiences have taught us that this is not likely the case. It is painful to consider…
Sometimes men who are abusive take “Anger Management” courses. Women have reported to us that these programs do not seem to improve the dynamics in the relationship. This is because anger is not the problem with men who are abusive; their desire for power and control is the problem. An Anger Management course will try…
This video explores the different types of abuse – social, sexual, physical etc. This video will help those seeking to support women who have been abused as well as women themselves.
Yes they can, but statistically, they do not very often. This is because abusive men face very few consequences for their behaviour. By staying abusive, they continue to have power and control. They get their way all the time. Usually these men leave a wake of destruction behind them as they go from one relationship…
If we remain neutral in the face of abuse, we are helping the abuser. Our silence is what he wants. Abuse continues because it works for abusive men, they get their way with no consequences.