abusive men

Women stand side by side looking into the sunset over the water.

You can’t rationalize with an irrational person

Jill and I see women working very hard to communicate with their partners. Women try to explain themselves and be rational with their partners. But the problem is that their partners are abusive and abuse is not rational. Abuse is about power and control. It is about diminishing the other person and “winning” the argument….

Women stand side by side looking into the sunset over the water.

The Blame Game vs. the Consequences of His Actions

Abusive men blame their partners for everything. This is one of the hallmarks of abusiveness. They will blame their partners because their kids don’t want to see them. They will blame their partners for abandoning them. They will blame their partners for “destroying the family”. But really, the abusive man is just facing the consequences…

Women stand side by side looking into the sunset over the water.

Instead of asking, “why doesn’t she leave?” ask, “why doesn’t he stop?”

Often when people are trying to understand woman abuse, the first question they ask is, “why doesn’t she leave?” This is a faulty starting point. The point really is why does he continue to be abusive and why does society, in subtle and not so subtle ways, allow the abuse to continue?