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Why does my partner hurt me?

No doubt you have spent a lot of time and energy trying to figure out what causes your partner to behave the way he does. Listed below are some common explanations that women struggle with as they try to make sense of their partner’s behaviour.

6 myths about abusive men

  • My partner has a problem with anger
  • My partner lives with a lot of stress
  • My partner is mentally ill
  • My partner was abused as a child
  • My partner is addicted to drugs or alcohol
  • My partner has a different style for dealing with conflict

The truth is your partner wants to maintain power and control over you. He feels entitled to do this and this shapes all his behaviour.

(from When Love Hurts, pp. 57 -58)

5 responses to “Why does my partner hurt me?”

  1. Charis says:

    I don’t understand how they are “myths”?
    What if some of those things are true?
    What if he learned at his daddy’s knee and is following in his daddy’s footsteps? What if he isn’t nearly as abusive as his daddy was? What if he has Asperger syndrome?

    I know that it doesn’t JUSTIFY abuse, but doesn’t the pain of his unresolved wounds and his mental/emotional/social deficiency explain WHY he does it?

  2. pussycat says:

    he does not abused me physically he abuses me emotionally he is very cruel

  3. Karen says:

    My suggestion would be, after you have read the book “When Love Hurts” to read the book “Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft. Lundy is a male counsellor who has worked with abusive men for many years. He really helps women to understand the abusive man’s mind frame. Lundy has a great website too. You can google him. Kaern.

  4. Angie says:

    The truth is your partner wants to maintain power and control over you. To him youre just:

    *His property
    *A mere trophy to hang on his wall
    *His personal chef and servant.
    *A sex slave who will only bear sons ( historically, sons were preferred over daughters in most ancient cultures, and in said cultures save for ancient Egypt, married women were just possessions of the men and not life partners and fellow human beings)

    Rise up and get out of these prisons. Find a man that will treat you like a queen, like Ahkenaten to his Great Royal Wife, Nefertiti.

  5. Tamer says:

    Hurting Men can recover but they have to take steps to change and know how to break the cycle of abusive behavior, read for example:
    Stop hurting the woman you love by Charlie Donaldson, Randy Flood and Elaine Eldridge.

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When Love Hurts