Five important things to know about men who are abusive…

#1: An abusive man functions well in the world. As a society, we tend to believe abusive men fit a stereotype – they are unemployed and/or drunks. In reality abusive men usually function very well in society. They hold down jobs, own homes and most often relate comfortably with family and friends. If we think we can “spot” an abusive man by how he carries himself in the world we are wrong. Most of the time, abusive men are only abusive with their partners (and sometimes their children). They do not behave in abusive ways with their boss or with friends or family they want to impress. Abusive behaviour is a choice and abusive men chose to use that behaviour only when it serves their purposes. It generally suits their needs to abuse their partner because this is a powerful way to control their partner and get their own way all the time. It does not, generally, serve an abusive man to be abusive in the work place or other social settings. If he were to do this, there would probably be negative consequences – he might lose his job or lose respect among his peers.(Come back to our site tomorrow for #2.)