#5: An abusive man will work hard to “win” family and friends over to “his” side. I really wish everyone knew this! I have walked alongside MANY women who have lost most of their friends and sometimes most of their family because family and friends choose to believe the man and distance themselves from the…
#4: An abusive man will say his wife is “crazy”. It is important to know that abusive men will often say that their partners are “crazy”. This is a powerful way to discredit a woman and add to her isolation. If everyone knew that this was a common tactic of abusive men and were skeptical…
#3: An abusive man will accuse his partner of being abusive. In the experience of the women we work with, most abusive men will say that their partner is abusive. This gets confusing for friends and family standing outside of the relationship. It is interesting that most women are very hesitant to use the word…
Five important things to know about men who are abusive…#2: An abusive man presents himself to family and friends as a “great guy”. As a society, we have this idea that abusive men are “monsters” but in reality abusive men present themselves in a very positive light. Most of the time they function in social settings very well. They can be charming and outgoing. Sometimes they will be very helpful to others and generous with their time. For this reason, it is extremely important that friends and family believe a woman when she takes the courageous step of saying that her partner is controlling, hurtful or abusive.
#1: An abusive man functions well in the world. As a society, we tend to believe abusive men fit a stereotype – they are unemployed and/or drunks. In reality abusive men usually function very well in society. They hold down jobs, own homes and most often relate comfortably with family and friends. If we think…
This video explores the Cycle of Abuse. This is the behaviour pattern of an abusive man. Karen describes the three phases of the Cycle of Abuse: Honeymoon, Tension Building and Explosion. This video will help those seeking to support women who have been abused as well as women themselves.
So often Christian women stay longer, in abusive relationships, than non-Christian women. This is usually because they believe that they have vowed to stay “until death do us part”. But abuse breaks the covenant of marriage. The man has vowed to “love, honour and cherish” and his abuse has broken that vow. The marriage is over,…
Sometimes as I interact with other professionals they suggest that a given woman, dealing with abuse, is “in denial” about her situation. Such a comment makes me crazy. I realize that some women do not always dwell on the full gravity of their situation because it is just too overwhelming. They deal with as much…
This past week was the end of another amazing support group here in the Vancouver area. At the close of the evening, women shared what the 10 weeks had meant to them. They talked about the power of being listened to, respected and affirmed. They spoke of how wonderful it was to be in a…
We used this reading last night at the end of our support group. It was written by a colleague of mine (Elsie Wiebe-Klinger). I think it says a lot about the truth about abuse. It’s not that… I think that abusive behavior is ‘normal’ or that I’m attracted to abusive men, Rather, When abuse happens,…
Is there a pattern? Most women, living with an abusive partner, find it hard to see any pattern to the abuse. His behaviour seems bizarre and unpredictable. It seems unbelievable that the same person, who is kind and affectionate one day, could be cruel and malicious another. His hurtful behaviour seems to come as isolated…
Many women find it hard to imagine that they are being abused by their partners. Part of the struggle has to do with the negative stereotype our culture has of ‘battered women’ and ‘abusive men’. If neither you nor your partner fit the stereotype, it may be even harder to imagine that you’re actually being…