Women stand side by side looking into the sunset over the water.

It’s Not That

We used this reading last night at the end of our support group. It was written by a colleague of mine (Elsie Wiebe-Klinger). I think it says a lot about the truth about abuse.

It’s not that…
I think that abusive behavior is ‘normal’ or
that I’m attracted to abusive men,

When abuse happens, my inner voice is turned down,
dismissed or silenced in some other way!

It’s not that…
I’m stupid for staying in this abusive relationship.

I have stayed for a lot of complicated reasons!

It’s not that…
I have low expectations of relationships.

The impact of abuse has worn down my expectations!

It’s not that …
I don’t know how to set my boundaries.

It may not be safe for me to enforce them!

It’s not that…
Abuse is random and isolated.

Abusive men make CHOICES
About what tactics to use!

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One Comment

  1. I appreciate the re-framing used in this reading. It reminds me that I’m not stupid or crazy. And it re-iterates what I’ve read in the book, When Love Hurts, that I am not the problem – the abuser is. There is nothing I can do to fix our relationship because he is choosing to act out of a completely different/unhealthy frame of reference.

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