Women stand side by side looking into the sunset over the water.

It’s Not That

ByWLH Team February 22, 2008June 4, 2013

We used this reading last night at the end of our support group. It was written by a colleague of mine (Elsie Wiebe-Klinger). I think it says a lot about the truth about abuse.

It’s not that…
I think that abusive behavior is ‘normal’ or
that I’m attracted to abusive men,
Rather,
When abuse happens, my inner voice is turned down,
dismissed or silenced in some other way!
It’s not that…
I’m stupid for staying in this abusive relationship.
Rather,
I have stayed for a lot of complicated reasons!
It’s not that…
I have low expectations of relationships.
Rather,
The impact of abuse has worn down my expectations!
It’s not that …
I don’t know how to set my boundaries.
Rather,
It may not be safe for me to enforce them!
It’s not that…
Abuse is random and isolated.
Rather,
Abusive men make CHOICES
About what tactics to use!

Training for Helping Professionals, writing beside the cover of the book, When Love Hurts, floating on top of a grid of a large group of women.

Certified Training for Helping Professionals

Training for helping professionals to provide a proven framework and comprehensive guide to strengthen their practice and enrich the support they offer women who have experienced partner abuse.

Best practice guide and curriculum for supporting women with experiences of abuse.

Best Practice Guide and Curriculum (PDF)

Purchase and download today. This Best Practice Guide and Curriculum (PDF) is the essential guide for supporting women impacted by partner abuse from the most trusted experts in the field.

Episode 8: Understanding the healing journey

Jan 5, 20265 min read

In this episode, we explore the healing journey for women who have experienced abuse.

New Year’s greetings!

Jan 5, 20264 min read

We’re excited to share that all eight episodes of the When Love Hurts Podcast are…

Episode 7: Mothering, post separation abuse, and the legal system

Dec 29, 20255 min read

How men’s abuse profoundly impacts mothering and how that abuse so often continues after separation…

Episode 6: The harms of help

Dec 22, 20255 min read

How services can repeat dynamics of abuse.

Episode 5: Why abusive men are abusive

Dec 15, 20253 min read

In this episode, we take on the question women ask again and again: Why is…

Welcome to Episode 4: The impacts of abuse for women

Dec 8, 20254 min read

We want to thank you for joining us for this heavy, but essential, conversation. Be…

Episode 3: Understanding the power and control wheel

Dec 1, 20254 min read

In this episode of the When Love Hurts podcast, we unpack the realities of power…

Episode 2: Understanding the cycle of abuse

Nov 24, 20255 min read

In this episode, we take a deeper look at the cycle of abuse, what it…

One Comment

Gwen says:
February 23, 2008 at 9:07 pm
I appreciate the re-framing used in this reading. It reminds me that I’m not stupid or crazy. And it re-iterates what I’ve read in the book, When Love Hurts, that I am not the problem – the abuser is. There is nothing I can do to fix our relationship because he is choosing to act out of a completely different/unhealthy frame of reference.

Leave a Reply