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Am I experiencing abuse?

Many women find it hard to imagine that they are being abused by their partners. Part of the struggle has to do with the negative stereotype our culture has of ‘battered women’ and ‘abusive men’. If neither you nor your partner fit the stereotype, it may be even harder to imagine that you’re actually being abused.

Women who are being abused by their partners are like any other women. Some are professionals, some are homemakers, some are wealthy, some are poor. Women who experience abuse come from all racial, ethnic and religious backgrounds. In the same way, abusive men don’t always fit the stereotype. The stereotype is of men who are monstrous and volatile. It does not reflect that these men are often affectionate, charming and sociable, Some men even appear to be progressive in their attitudes about women.

The stereotype of an ‘abused woman’ may prevent women from being able to describe or identify their experiences. You may have struggled between your experience of abuse and the negative stereotype of an ‘abused woman’. We encourage you to pay attention to your experiences rather than to the stereotype. Here is one woman’s experience of this…

As I started to read about abuse and attend my support group for women I had very conflicting emotions. On the one hand, it was good to finally figure out what was really going on in my relationship. On the other hand, I struggled with feeling ashamed that somehow this had happened to me. I was also scared that if I really admitted that I ws being abused, I would then have to leave my partner. That was something I really didn’t want to do. Looking back on it now, I realized that those conflicting emotions were only natural and all I could do was be patient and gentle with myself.

4 responses to “Am I experiencing abuse?”

  1. susan tuffin says:

    How do I start a group here in Belgium, for women like me?

  2. marcelina leontowicz says:

    if you are hurting inside and out from a relationship most time, do not wait. Seek counsel right away.

  3. hir says:

    i have been marriede to my husband almost 4 years. we marride in india. after 20 days i came back to canada. i found i got pregnant and he said he is not ready for child i said still i m going to have a child so he forced me to abort it and i called his parents and my parents about the issue. after while he said he wwnt to have this child. according to him he planned for my pregnanncy. it was probably giving him thought of controlling me. he said he was just testing me how good wife i am. i add him in my immigration file he got visa in 5-6 months. by the time he made me stop talking to every single of my family member and during those 5-6 months when i was alone in canada he keep telling me that all decision i have made in my life were stupid and worthless and i dont know people around me and he told me that the people i was living with and worked with i must have an affair with them and when i said i never had any affair in my life and i engaged with 1 guy in my community who also meant to be his cousin he said no i dont care about him. he kept asking me money all my hard earned money and not to answer me that where is he spending my all money he said when u come to india all money given back to you. finalle during my 7 month i was going to india he ask me to buy 2 iphones for his sisters husband and hus own little brother. wen i went there the day before we were living he and his father fought for money his father said he doesnt have any money to give us. when i asked him my husband said all $21456 i sent him he had paid his fathers debt. so i said than we can not go to canada because i dont have single penny to survive in my account on the to because of you guys i have credit worth of $6000 left to pay how i am gonna pay all this. some how they arranged filthy $3000. i saud its not gonna be enogh he said wen we reach canada his father gonna send us the money in last 4 years that day has never cone yet so i keep asking me sbout money and finally he told me that forget sbout that money. think like you havelost that money and after coning to canada even though i have said no he has sent further $8-9000 so far. he has beaten me during my pregancy if i go against him its been 4 years i havent talk to my parents,sinmblung or friends he keeps telling me that every single person is jealous because he is my life.when i went against him he threaten me saying he is gonna kill my brother and my family. at his work he can joke with all ladies. sime of tyrm keep calling him naughty and other stuff. he works in cleaning but he always dressed up like office people but according to him i should not even have to LOOK or, smile or say thank you to any guy not even cashier or telephone represantative he gets agrasively mad when this happens he kerps tellinv me i am characterless women and i keep proving him wtong but that doesnt stop him. he threatens my children sometime too. these few things there are so many other thing please tell me what should i do

  4. Karen McAndless-Davis says:

    I am so sorry to hear all this. I would encourage you to call your local women’s shelter or resource centre. You deserve good support as you navigate all this. Hopefully you can get put in touch with a support group or a one-on-one counsellor.

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When Love Hurts