#4: An abusive man will say his wife is “crazy”. It is important to know that abusive men will often say that their partners are “crazy”. This is a powerful way to discredit a woman and add to her isolation. If everyone knew that this was a common tactic of abusive men and were skeptical…
#3: An abusive man will accuse his partner of being abusive. In the experience of the women we work with, most abusive men will say that their partner is abusive. This gets confusing for friends and family standing outside of the relationship. It is interesting that most women are very hesitant to use the word…
Five important things to know about men who are abusive…#2: An abusive man presents himself to family and friends as a “great guy”. As a society, we have this idea that abusive men are “monsters” but in reality abusive men present themselves in a very positive light. Most of the time they function in social settings very well. They can be charming and outgoing. Sometimes they will be very helpful to others and generous with their time. For this reason, it is extremely important that friends and family believe a woman when she takes the courageous step of saying that her partner is controlling, hurtful or abusive.
#1: An abusive man functions well in the world. As a society, we tend to believe abusive men fit a stereotype – they are unemployed and/or drunks. In reality abusive men usually function very well in society. They hold down jobs, own homes and most often relate comfortably with family and friends. If we think…
This video explores the Cycle of Abuse. This is the behaviour pattern of an abusive man. Karen describes the three phases of the Cycle of Abuse: Honeymoon, Tension Building and Explosion. This video will help those seeking to support women who have been abused as well as women themselves.
It is really hard to even consider if your partner might be abusive. A good question to ask is “am I afraid”? In a respectful, mutual relationship, two people can disagree – fight even – but neither party is afraid of being attacked (physically or emotionally).
Take a listen to this podcast. Karen McAndless-Davis is asked about the difference between poor communication and abuse. http://www.communicationdiva.com/25
The abuse in my marriage began very early into the relationship although I was never able to identify it as abusive behaviour. Somehow, my husband would justify his behaviour and end up making me feel I was to blame for his actions. I would end up apologising to him when I had done nothing wrong…
So often Christian women stay longer, in abusive relationships, than non-Christian women. This is usually because they believe that they have vowed to stay “until death do us part”. But abuse breaks the covenant of marriage. The man has vowed to “love, honour and cherish” and his abuse has broken that vow. The marriage is over,…
I am just watching Meredith Baxter on Oprah and finding so much of her story helpful. The stories she is telling is so typical of women who have been abused by their partner – the fear, confusion etc. Her examples of how her partner wore her down with insults and putdowns were powerful. As usual,…
Those of us who live in British Columbia have noticed a shift in the rulings of the courts over the past decade or so. It used to be that if parents separated, the children would end up spending the bulk of the time living with their moms. However, in British Columbia now, the starting assumption…
We sold out of our first printing of the second edition a few weeks back. We ordered 5,000 more copies which just arrived today. They are currently sitting outside on large pallets waiting to be brought inside. Very exciting! Karen.