A woman from one of our groups shared this feedback with us. We want to share it with you: I loved being in the When Love Hurts Support Group. It was so helpful for me. One moment that stands out for me is the moment that I understood that it wasn’t my fault. The abuse…
Helping professional are well intentioned but sometimes for women experiencing abuse, that help is not helpful. In fact, sadly, sometimes the ‘help’ is harmful to women. How is this possible? Well, let’s think about the dynamics of abuse. Men who are abusive are motivated by a desire to have power and control over their partner….
#5 Don’t be surprised that the abuse continues after separation. Men, who are abusive, will continue to abuse after separation. They will do this through any ties that the man and woman still have in common (eg. children, assets, the court process, pets, mutual friends etc.) Many women find the first year or two after…
#4 Be a listening ear and know that you need to be there for the long haul. It is very common that a woman will need months or years to put a plan in place that will lead eventually to a better life. As outsiders, we often hear women’s pain and want to do something…
#3 Believe the woman. Lots of people will listen to the woman’s “side” and then the man’s “side” and decide that the truth must lie somewhere in the middle. Men who are abusive always minimize their abusive behaviour and often will out and out lie about their partners. Women who have been abused also tend…
#2 Let the woman be the expert on her own life. She knows more about herself, her partner and her children than you ever will. You can support her but you should not take over her decision making process. Rather, you can help her listen to her gut and figure out what is going to…
#1 Make her safety (emotional and physical) the priority. Don’t do anything without her explicit permission. Without meaning to, you could make the situation worse or put her at risk for harm. Ask her what you can do that would be helpful to her. Being a listening ear is very helpful and may be all…
Women, who have experienced abuse, are often told by service providers that they do not have good boundaries. If a woman’s partner is abusive, it is unsafe for that woman to have boundaries. Abusive men see boundaries as a threat to their power and control and do everything they can to destroy them. Perhaps you…
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder occurs when a person has been subjected to a traumatic situation. After the event, the person finds themselves suffering mental distress from the trauma to the extent that it is disruptive to their life. Common symptoms of PTSD are flashbacks, nightmares and heightened anxiety. Perhaps a professional or support person has…
If we remain neutral in the face of abuse, we are helping the abuser. Our silence is what he wants. Abuse continues because it works for abusive men, they get their way with no consequences.
Aren’t men just “too ashamed” to report abuse? Some people think that abuse happens to men at the same rate as women but they are “too ashamed” to report it. Here’s the thing, women are ashamed to report it too. The women we work with are extremely reluctant to call abuse abuse. Women are silenced…
If we remain neutral in the face of abuse, we are helping the abuser. Our silence is what he wants. Abuse continues because it works for abusive men, they get their way with no consequences. None of us would stand back and remain “neutral” while a grown man beat up a child but this is…