Did you know that sometimes “professional help” is not helpful?
Helping professional are well intentioned but sometimes for women experiencing abuse, that help is not helpful. In fact, sadly, sometimes the ‘help’ is harmful to women. How is this possible? Well, let’s think about the dynamics of abuse. Men who are abusive are motivated by a desire to have power and control over their partner. They have a need to feel superior. Men who are abusive can feel superior, for example, by putting down their partners’ ideas, feelings or needs and by forcing their views on women. So what happens to a woman when she goes to a counselor, advocate or other professional who tries to tell a woman what the problem is, how she needs to “fix” herself or “fix” the problem in her relationship? The ‘helper’ is using the same approach as her partner – taking control of the situation and assuming he or she knows better than the woman. Women know their experiences best and service providers must listen carefully to women’s stories if they are to be helpful.



Episode 8: Understanding the healing journey
In this episode, we explore the healing journey for women who have experienced abuse.
New Year’s greetings!
We’re excited to share that all eight episodes of the When Love Hurts Podcast are…
Episode 7: Mothering, post separation abuse, and the legal system
How men’s abuse profoundly impacts mothering and how that abuse so often continues after separation…
Episode 6: The harms of help
How services can repeat dynamics of abuse.
Episode 5: Why abusive men are abusive
In this episode, we take on the question women ask again and again: Why is…
Welcome to Episode 4: The impacts of abuse for women
We want to thank you for joining us for this heavy, but essential, conversation. Be…
Episode 3: Understanding the power and control wheel
In this episode of the When Love Hurts podcast, we unpack the realities of power…
Episode 2: Understanding the cycle of abuse
In this episode, we take a deeper look at the cycle of abuse, what it…