How women resist abuse
“The problem is that she won’t leave him”
“The problem is that she won’t stand up to him”
“If she would only set some boundaries, he would realize he can’t keep treating her that way.”
These are common beliefs we hear about woman abuse. Many people wrongly believe that women impacted by abuse passively accept the violence or lack assertiveness or are somehow “damaged” in such a way that they “accept” the abuse as “normal”. Nothing could be further from the truth.
In our experience, when women are treated abusively in their relationship, they always seek ways to resist that treatment. Women stand up to their abusive partners in various ways. Or they will go to great lengths to try to stop or prevent the abuse. The problem is not the woman’s lack of resistance to the abuse. The problem is the abusive man’s insistence on gaining power and control over his partner by any means.
Abusive men know that their partners will resist their attempts to control them and so they take action to neutralize this resistance. For example, many women have reported to us that when their partners become verbally abusive, they will try to “stand up” to the man and insist that he stop speaking to her in a degrading way. When this happens, usually the man becomes louder and scarier. Sometimes he might even move to physically hurt or threaten to hurt the woman. The woman resists and the man squashes her attempts at resistance.
It is important that we honour women’s resistance to abuse and hold abusive men 100% responsible for the abuse.
Absolutely correct. Escaped over 8 years of utter hell a week ago. Tried to leave most of that time. Tried every avenue available. None did anything but TALK. You speak truth. A new way to show the true dynamics. It’s all on the abuser but society puts it all on US. SCREW THAT! I stood up the entire time & not just for me. The winning hand is the ‘man’s’ in this perverted woman hating society. Thanks for all of your good work! It’s helping one woman, one friend, mother, grandmother, daughter, niece , aunt, neighbor, co worker, etc, at a time. If there is life there can still be hope. I almost gave up. Now I’m LUCKY to be FREE. Not smarter & not stronger than anyone else suffering this. Lucky. If I believe ever again then I’d say blessed . Simply aren’t the tangible supports women need to get away here unless it’s to be homeless on the street. Looking at you SEATTLE! If I regain my health & mental stability I’ll be helping.
Thank you for sharing your powerful words and painful experience!