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The Blame Game vs. the Consequences of His Actions

Abusive men blame their partners for everything. This is one of the hallmarks of abusiveness. They will blame their partners because their kids don’t want to see them. They will blame their partners for abandoning them. They will blame their partners for “destroying the family”. But really, the abusive man is just facing the consequences of his actions. If the woman leaves, it is because he has treated her horribly. Something I wanted to teach my children from a young age is that, if they were mean to someone, that someone would probably not want to hang around with them any more. This is a life lesson abusive men have not learned. They think they can treat their partners horribly and that their partners will stick around indefinitely.

As I support women impacted by abuse, I find it helpful to gently help women see that perhaps some of what they are being blamed for are actually just consequences landing on their partners. They have been blamed by their partners for so long, they have been brainwashed into feeling guilty for things for which they are not responsible.

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When Love Hurts