#5: An abusive man will work hard to “win” family and friends over to “his” side. I really wish everyone knew this! I have walked alongside MANY women who have lost most of their friends and sometimes most of their family because family and friends choose to believe the man and distance themselves from the…
#4: An abusive man will say his wife is “crazy”. It is important to know that abusive men will often say that their partners are “crazy”. This is a powerful way to discredit a woman and add to her isolation. If everyone knew that this was a common tactic of abusive men and were skeptical…
#3: An abusive man will accuse his partner of being abusive. In the experience of the women we work with, most abusive men will say that their partner is abusive. This gets confusing for friends and family standing outside of the relationship. It is interesting that most women are very hesitant to use the word…
Five important things to know about men who are abusive…#2: An abusive man presents himself to family and friends as a “great guy”. As a society, we have this idea that abusive men are “monsters” but in reality abusive men present themselves in a very positive light. Most of the time they function in social settings very well. They can be charming and outgoing. Sometimes they will be very helpful to others and generous with their time. For this reason, it is extremely important that friends and family believe a woman when she takes the courageous step of saying that her partner is controlling, hurtful or abusive.
#1: An abusive man functions well in the world. As a society, we tend to believe abusive men fit a stereotype – they are unemployed and/or drunks. In reality abusive men usually function very well in society. They hold down jobs, own homes and most often relate comfortably with family and friends. If we think…
This video explores the Cycle of Abuse. This is the behaviour pattern of an abusive man. Karen describes the three phases of the Cycle of Abuse: Honeymoon, Tension Building and Explosion. This video will help those seeking to support women who have been abused as well as women themselves.
It is really hard to even consider if your partner might be abusive. A good question to ask is “am I afraid”? In a respectful, mutual relationship, two people can disagree – fight even – but neither party is afraid of being attacked (physically or emotionally).
Take a listen to this podcast. Karen McAndless-Davis is asked about the difference between poor communication and abuse. http://www.communicationdiva.com/25
The abuse in my marriage began very early into the relationship although I was never able to identify it as abusive behaviour. Somehow, my husband would justify his behaviour and end up making me feel I was to blame for his actions. I would end up apologising to him when I had done nothing wrong…
I was abused by my husband for the entirety of our 12 year relationship. It took me 12 years to put a name to this crazy behaviour, because this abuse did not take the form of physical blows. It started off subtly with mindgames, teasing. He found it funny to see me get upset, so…
As I share my story of resilience with you, I will include the emotional, physical, mental and spiritual aspects as it pertains to me. My hope in writing my story is that the victim of abuse will not feel alone in her journey and that she can know that she can reach up and successfully…
In this audio recording, Karen and three survivors of abuse talk about the reality and impact of abuse in marriage. The speakers touch on some of the different types of abuse – verbal, emotional, financial, and spiritual. They speak to the devastating impact that abuse has on the lives of women and their children. This…