The motive behind abuse is to have power and control over the other person. Women who come to our support group are often fearful that they are abusive. This is because they have yelled at, swore at or hit their partners. When we ask women to recall the context in which they behaved this way,…
#4: Listen to your gut! If your gut (or inner voice) is saying to be careful, be careful! The man’s friends and family may say he is a “great guy”. Your friends and family may think he is a “great guy” but if there is something inside of you that is making you feel uneasy,…
If we remain neutral in the face of abuse, we are helping the abuser. Our silence is what he wants. Abuse continues because it works for abusive men, they get their way with no consequences. None of us would stand back and remain “neutral” while a grown man beat up a child but this is…
#5: An abusive man will work hard to “win” family and friends over to “his” side. I really wish everyone knew this! I have walked alongside MANY women who have lost most of their friends and sometimes most of their family because family and friends choose to believe the man and distance themselves from the…
It is really hard to even consider if your partner might be abusive. A good question to ask is “am I afraid”? In a respectful, mutual relationship, two people can disagree – fight even – but neither party is afraid of being attacked (physically or emotionally).
Take a listen to this podcast. Karen McAndless-Davis is asked about the difference between poor communication and abuse. http://www.communicationdiva.com/25
The abuse in my marriage began very early into the relationship although I was never able to identify it as abusive behaviour. Somehow, my husband would justify his behaviour and end up making me feel I was to blame for his actions. I would end up apologising to him when I had done nothing wrong…
I was abused by my husband for the entirety of our 12 year relationship. It took me 12 years to put a name to this crazy behaviour, because this abuse did not take the form of physical blows. It started off subtly with mindgames, teasing. He found it funny to see me get upset, so…
In this audio recording, Karen and three survivors of abuse talk about the reality and impact of abuse in marriage. The speakers touch on some of the different types of abuse – verbal, emotional, financial, and spiritual. They speak to the devastating impact that abuse has on the lives of women and their children. This…
Many women find it hard to imagine that they are being abused by their partners. Part of the struggle has to do with the negative stereotype our culture has of ‘battered women’ and ‘abusive men’. If neither you nor your partner fit the stereotype, it may be even harder to imagine that you’re actually being…