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The When Love Hurts blog

4 signs your counsellor might have training in abuse

If asked, most counsellors will say that they have training in abuse but it is not part of the standard curriculum for most counselling programs. So, how can you figure out if your counsellor really does understand abuse or simply thinks they understand? Here are a few things you could look for: Do they hold […]

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Is he “mentally ill” or is he abusive?

Sometimes women think that their partner behaves the way he does because he is mentally ill. Abusive behaviour is so bizarre and unpredictable, it certainly makes sense if you wonder sometimes if you partner is mentally ill. If your partner is kind one moment and raging the next, how do you make sense of this? […]

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How can the person who said he loved me be abusive?

We would like to share some thoughts from one of the women from our Support Group. She is separated from her partner but he is working hard to try to honeymoon her back. She speaks honestly about separation, grief and rebuilding. We are appreciative of her sharing: Its almost impossible for me to get my […]

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Why do I still love him?

Women often struggle with their feelings of love for their partner. Perhaps others have suggested that you are “crazy” for still loving him. We do not think you are crazy. We think you are having normal feelings that make a lot of sense, given your situation. When you first met your partner, he demonstrated a […]

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Am I in Denial?

If you are reading this blog we don’t think you are in denial. If you are reading this blog you are thinking critically about your relationship and searching for answers. That is not denial. Women who are living with abusive men sometimes get accused of being in denial but we don’t think that is what […]

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Am I Addicted to Him?

Sometimes women wonder if they are addicted to their partner. Claire described her feelings in this way. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I can’t seem to stop thinking about him. I know he has hurt me but I just keep thinking about how good things were in the beginning. Part of me […]

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How to identify abuse: #4 The Pattern.

Abuse has a pattern. It is not an isolated event. In any long-term intimate relationships, both parties will have moments of being thoughtless, or even hurtful to the other. But an abusive person has a pattern of repeatedly doing hurtful and controlling things over and over again. The intention is to create fear and confusion […]

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Does Abuse Have a Pattern?

This video explores the Cycle of Abuse. This is the behaviour pattern of an abusive man. Karen describes the three phases of the Cycle of Abuse: Honeymoon, Tension Building and Explosion. This video will help those seeking to support women who have been abused as well as women themselves.

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Lynn’s Story

Noellee Mowatt is nineteen years old, nine months pregnant, an immigrant to this country and currently in prison in Ontario. Why is she in prison? Because she will not testify against her boyfriend in court. Yesterday I talked to a recent client of mine who I thought had some things in common with Noellee and […]

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Allison’s Story

We begin our book with one woman’s story. “Allison” is not this woman’s real name, but her experiences are real. We hope that you will see aspects of your own life reflected in hers. At the same time, we know that every woman is unique, and parts of Allison’s story will not be familiar to […]

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When Love Hurts