When women are experiencing on-going abuse, forgiveness is not the issue. Safety is. A woman needs to focus on trying to keep herself and her children safe. Even after separation, forgiveness is not the issue. Typically women continue to experience abuse from an ex-partner. Just because she has left does not mean that the abuse…
Women who have experienced abuse are often pressured to forgive their partners. When they feel unable to do this, they sometimes think there is something “wrong” with them or that they are not good people. But lots of times forgiveness is not the right or appropriate thing to do in a given situation.If the man…
A woman shared these thoughts about forgiveness in the context of abuse. I would like to share them with you. My husband has been abusive to me for years. His behaviour has caused unimaginable destruction in my life. Every once in a while, he will say, “I’m sorry. Forgive me.” Those words seem ridiculous to me….
I grew up in a church where equality between men and women was modelled. Women held positions of leadership and I saw respect and mutuality modelled by my parents and the other adult couples in my life. I did not encounter the idea that a “wife should submit” until I was in my 20’s. As…
In my second year of university, I went to a huge Christian youth conference in the states. I had a room mate who was from a fundamentalist Christian family. One night we got talking about relationships and she told me, “of course, the man is the head of the household.” I was shocked that such…
December is the darkest month of the year in Canada. Where I live, it starts getting dark at about 4:00 in the afternoon. It can be depressing and discouraging. A doctor friend of my joked that this time of year, we should put anti-depressants in the water like some cities put flouride in the water….
At this time of year, we are asked for donations to the food bank every time we turn around. Food banks rely on people’s generous spirits in December to get them through the rest of the year. It is good to remember that a significant number of people using food banks are women (and their…
Violence is far too common in the lives of Canadian women. One half of all Canadian women over the age of 18 have experienced physical or sexual violence. That is a shocking statistic. It comes from a Statistics Canada survey that was conducted in 1993. It was a one-time-only survey. If you or someone you…
Sometimes women think that their partner behaves the way he does because he is mentally ill. Abusive behaviour is so bizarre and unpredictable, it certainly makes sense if you wonder sometimes if you partner is mentally ill. If your partner is kind one moment and raging the next, how do you make sense of this?…
We would like to share some thoughts from one of the women from our Support Group. She is separated from her partner but he is working hard to try to honeymoon her back. She speaks honestly about separation, grief and rebuilding. We are appreciative of her sharing: Its almost impossible for me to get my…
Lots of women who come to our support groups have been told they are “co-dependent”. If a woman lives with an abusive man, she will do many things to try to stay safe – emotionally and physically. She will accommodate his demands in many ways in order to try to limit the damage done to herself or…
This is a special post for people who live int he Vancouver area…. Have you heard about the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC)? It begins this Wednesday. This is a historic event that our family has been looking forward to for months. I am frustrated that there seems to be little about this in the…