One of the women from our support group shared with us a beautiful attitude and idea I want to share with you. She use to live in a large comfortable home with her abusive ex but in ending her marriage, she has lost a lot of material possessions. (Sadly this is often true.) But this…
I blogged yesterday about focusing on self-care instead of self-esteem. A woman from group recently talked to me about this. Her quote (used with permission) really says it all… “I liked how the group focused on self-care and not self-esteem. I was always judged for ‘letting’ the abuse happen to me because of my ‘low…
It drives us crazy how some people suggest to women who are experiencing abused that they should work on their “self-esteem” and that somehow, this should stop the abuse. It won’t. Nothing the woman does will stop the abuse. Only the abusive person can stop the abuse. But even after separation some people think that…
This gentle guided meditation is designed to help you calm your mind and relax your body. It is perfect to do before going to sleep. Please note, if you are in an unsafe situation – physically or emotionally, you should not do this guided meditation as you need to stay alert and vigilant but if…
If you have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) we would like to help you think about what that might mean for you in the context of living with or having lived with an abusive man. We are finding the diagnosis of BPD being widely applied to women who have experienced abuse. What is…
Sometimes women wonder and worry if they are abusive, like their partner. Abusive men, the police or other “helping professionals” sometimes tell women they are abusive. The idea that it “takes two to tango” is a predominant one in our culture. Maybe you have fought back, yelled at or hit your partner but it is important to ask yourself a few questions about the context in which you behaved that way and the motives behind your behaviour
A reader recently sent us this email. It describes well the slow, painful healing process of reclaiming your life after abuse. I asked the woman for permission to post it as I thought it would be helpful for other women. She agreed. Here it is: I had some down days recently, not sure why, as…
Often when people are trying to understand woman abuse, the first question they ask is, “why doesn’t she leave?” This is a faulty starting point. The point really is why does he continue to be abusive and why does society, in subtle and not so subtle ways, allow the abuse to continue?
When helping professionals focus on “what is wrong” with a woman who has experienced abuse, they miss the point entirely and usually do more damage to the woman. We see this often. Women who have been impacted by abuse are seen to have something wrong with them because they are anxious or depressed or self-medicating…
I hear the theory that if a woman was abused as a child she will think abuse is “normal” when she is an adult. This idea makes me angry and here is why. If we suggest that because a woman was abused as a child, she thinks abuse is normal, we are suggesting that she…
Diana Russell’s (1990) landmark study of sexual assault established that marital rape is a serious problem that millions of women face each year. Researchers estimate that between 10% and 14% of married women experience rape in marriage. When researchers have examined the prevalence of different types of rape, they have found that marital rape accounts for approximately 25% of all rapes (Randall&Haskall, 1995).
Polly Harrison, who has survived domestic violence herself, is now running the Great Wall of China Marathon to raise awareness and funding for services for women impacted by abuse. Her dear friend, who helped her get out is running with her. Can you support them in any way? http://www.gofundme.com/256uxw