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The When Love Hurts blog

Victim or Survivor?

VICTIM or SURVIVOR? These words hold power! We may toss these terms around without considering this. I have used them both many times referring to myself. For a long time I embraced the word “victim”. It helped me realize that what had happened was not my fault. I wore it like a badge of honor […]

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Montreal Gazette tells women’s stories

We were so pleased to see a great article in the Montreal Gazette telling several women’s stories of experiencing abuse from their partners. We were glad to see a description of several types of abuse including financial, religious and cultural. The article talked about how long it takes to rebuild from an abusive relationship. It […]

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When a marriage is over because of abuse

I’ve been working with women impacted by abuse for over 18 years. I have never met a woman who wanted her marriage to be over. I have met lots of women who wanted – needed – the abuse to end and came to the painful realization that the only way the abuse was going to […]

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Why I don’t ask people, “how are you?”

I avoid greeting people with, “how are you?” I work as a counsellor and so most of the people I am meeting cannot answer that question quickly or positively. How are they doing? It would take a full hour to say how they are doing and lots of what they have to say is painful […]

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Don’t ask, “what is wrong with this woman?” Ask, “what has happened to this woman?”

When helping professionals focus on “what is wrong” with a woman who has experienced abuse, they miss the point entirely and usually do more damage to the woman. We see this often. Women who have been impacted by abuse are seen to have something wrong with them because they are anxious or depressed or self-medicating […]

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Impact of Abuse

In this video Jill continues to explore the impact of abuse – confusion, feeling all alone and feeling crazy are all very common experiences for women living with abusive men.

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What is a normal reaction to abuse?

In this video Jill asks the question, “what is a normal reaction to living with abuse, power and control?” She touches on some normal mental and physical reactions such as depression, anxiety, panic attacks and headaches.

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Check list: Am I experiencing?

Check list: Am I experiencing? Do you feel anxious when you are around him? Does he put your down or criticize you? Do you feel disrespected by your partner / boyfriend? Are you afraid to give your opinion or express a concern to your partner? Is your partner jealous and/or possesive of you.
An abusive relationship may include some of these experiences. There are many other warning signs of abuse that we have not included here. Whatever you are experiencing, if you are unhappy with what’s going on, we hope you will read more of this website and / or watch our videos.

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Is My Problem Low Self-Esteem?

Some women who are abused by their partners wonder if the problem is low self-esteem. A woman may wonder if this is why she has “put up with abuse” for so long; because she did not think she deserved better. No one, independently, develops a solid sense of self. Humans are, by nature, social beings. […]

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Women are blamed for abuse

Have you ever noticed that women are often blamed for the abuse they experience at the hands of their partners – sometimes subtly and sometimes not so subtly. Here are some statements made to or about women who have experienced abuse. Each statement carries a value judgment and implies that the woman who is abused […]

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Is there something wrong with me?

In order to keep yourself (and your children) safe emotionally and physically safe, you’ve had to pay a great deal of attention to your partner. You probably carefully monitor your partner’s moods and behaviours. You may not have had much opportunity to see how his abuse affects you. Here a partial list of Impacts generated […]

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When Love Hurts