skip to main content

The When Love Hurts blog

“Mental Illness” or Abuse – Helping a Woman Discern the Difference

Sometimes women will say they believe their partner behaves the way he does because he has mental health concerns. Men who are abusive are sometimes diagnosed as having a personality disorder or of being bipolar. Men who are abusive may blame their hurtful behaviour on being depressed. This is very confusing for women; if their […]

Read more

When a marriage is over because of abuse

I’ve been working with women impacted by abuse for over 18 years. I have never met a woman who wanted her marriage to be over. I have met lots of women who wanted – needed – the abuse to end and came to the painful realization that the only way the abuse was going to […]

Read more

What is your ex saying about you?

I have worked for 18 years with women who have experienced abuse. In my experience, there are a few common things men who are abusive say about their ex-partners. Perhaps most commonly, they say the woman was “crazy”. They may even go so far as to say the woman was diagnosed as mentally ill (often “bipolar”) when […]

Read more

Is he “mentally ill” or is he abusive?

Sometimes women think that their partner behaves the way he does because he is mentally ill. Abusive behaviour is so bizarre and unpredictable, it certainly makes sense if you wonder sometimes if you partner is mentally ill. If your partner is kind one moment and raging the next, how do you make sense of this? […]

Read more

Rape in Marriage

Diana Russell’s (1990) landmark study of sexual assault established that marital rape is a serious problem that millions of women face each year. Researchers estimate that between 10% and 14% of married women experience rape in marriage. When researchers have examined the prevalence of different types of rape, they have found that marital rape accounts for approximately 25% of all rapes (Randall&Haskall, 1995).

Read more

One in four women will be raped in their life-time

One in four women will be raped in their life-time. What a shocking statistic. 84% of women who are raped know their attacker. They are raped by their current for former husbands, boyfriends, family members or acquaintances. Many of the women I work with have been raped by husbands or boyfriends. Many more have been […]

Read more

Is My Partner’s Problem Abuse or Addiction?

Sometimes women wonder if their partner’s problem is abuse or addiction. If you know your partner has an addiction, maybe you hope that if he gets clean and sober he will stop being so hurtful towards you. Unfortunately, women’s experiences have taught us that this is not likely the case. It is painful to consider […]

Read more

Can abusive men change?

Yes they can, but statistically, they do not very often. This is because abusive men face very few consequences for their behaviour. By staying abusive, they continue to have power and control. They get their way all the time. Usually these men leave a wake of destruction behind them as they go from one relationship […]

Read more

A Survivor’s Story

The abuse in my marriage began very early into the relationship although I was never able to identify it as abusive behaviour. Somehow, my husband would justify his behaviour and end up making me feel I was to blame for his actions. I would end up apologising to him when I had done nothing wrong […]

Read more
When Love Hurts