Jill and I have led groups in diverse neighbourhoods and with women from diverse social and cultural backgrounds for many years. There are a lot of stereotypes when it comes to abuse. People assume that abuse happens to certain types of women and not too other women. Nothing can be further from the truth. Abuse…
Below is submitted by Lisa Stephan. She wanted to share some of what she (painfully!) learned in her marriage. Thank you Lisa for sharing some of your story! Welcome words splashed across my screen each evening as a new relationship formed with a Christian man in Arizona. Words I read hungrily as I learned…
Where does that expression “forgive and forget” come from and is it from the Bible? No! There is no place in the Bible where it says “forgive and forget”. I don’t know where the saying originates, but I can tell you with complete confidence, it does not come from the Bible. If you have experienced…
Warning Signs for Young Women Did you know that abuse happens in Christian relationships at the same rate as non-Christian relationships? Sometimes young women think that if they date and marry a Christian man, he will be “safe” but that is not statistically true. Did you know that abuse takes many forms? Here are some…
Sometimes women are told things like “divorce is not an option for Christians,” or “God hates divorce.” There are passages of scripture that at first glance seem to suggest that divorce is not a path open to women of faith. These passages need to be looked at carefully and within their historic context. It is…
Found this on Facebook and wanted to post it here. It is an imagined conversation between two people. I think it speaks powerfully to the reality that an apology is not enough if someone has really “shattered” your life” and it does not (on its own) fix anything. Grab a plate and throw it…
I have been leading support groups for women impacted by abuse for 17 years. About 10 years ago I led a group designed particularly for Christian women. On about week 7 of the group, one of the women shared that she had been suicidal for years because she had vowed to stay with her husband;…
Women who have experienced abuse are often plagued with the idea that they should forgive the person who has abused them. Sometimes it is the abusive person is pushing for this, sometimes it is friends, family or church leaders, and sometimes the woman feels like it is the “right” thing to do. Some Christian women…
Women, especially Christian women, are often pressured to forgive their partners. I never understand the urgency around this. Sometimes I think church leaders want this to happen because they then think that everything will be “okay” and they can move on to other concerns but nothing is okay for the woman. It seems obvious that…
When women are experiencing on-going abuse, forgiveness is not the issue. Safety is. A woman needs to focus on trying to keep herself and her children safe. Even after separation, forgiveness is not the issue. Typically women continue to experience abuse from an ex-partner. Just because she has left does not mean that the abuse…
Women who have experienced abuse are often pressured to forgive their partners. When they feel unable to do this, they sometimes think there is something “wrong” with them or that they are not good people. But lots of times forgiveness is not the right or appropriate thing to do in a given situation.If the man…
A woman shared these thoughts about forgiveness in the context of abuse. I would like to share them with you. My husband has been abusive to me for years. His behaviour has caused unimaginable destruction in my life. Every once in a while, he will say, “I’m sorry. Forgive me.” Those words seem ridiculous to me….