I am sure you’ve heard it before. “It takes two to tango.” It’s a lie. If a person is actually talking about dancing, it may be true, but if they are talking about relationship problems, it is not true. It takes two people to make a healthy and happy relationship. It takes two people to be mature and work at being present, kind and respectful to each other. But it only takes one person to destroy a relationship. If one person steps away from the relationship, or has an affair or is cruel or abusive, that one person destroys the relationship.
The women I support try everything to make their relationships work. They go to counselling, they read self-help books. They try being more accommodating and they try having “clearer boundaries,” but the problem is their partner is abusive and so, no matter what the woman does, she can not make the relationship work. It takes two people to make a relationship work but only one person to destroy a relationship.
The lie, “it takes two to tango” hurts women impacted by abuse because it holds them partly responsible for the abuse. It is time to destroy this lie.