Women stand side by side looking into the sunset over the water.

It is not about forgiveness when everything is broken

A woman shared these thoughts about forgiveness in the context of abuse. I would like to share them with you.

My husband has been abusive to me for years. His behaviour has caused unimaginable destruction in my life. Every once in a while, he will say, “I’m sorry. Forgive me.” Those words seem ridiculous to me. It is like if someone broke in to my home and totally trashed the place – broke everything that was important to me – and then stood in the middle of the mess and said, “Sorry. Forgive me.” Really! That would be crazy! If someone did trash my home in that way, I would need them to really take an account of all they had broken. Then I would need them to replace and fix everything that they broke. Then, they would need to show me, over time, that they would never do such a horrible thing again. Then, maybe I could forgive them.

My life is my home and he has trashed it. But he will never admit to all the harm he has done and he will never do anything to make things right. In fact, he is going to just keep on trashing it. 

(This blog is part of a series on forgiveness. If you appreciate it, you might like to read the rest of the series by searching “forgiveness”.)

Survivors need to be given a choice not an ultimatum

Dec 8, 20171 min read

Sometimes friends and family give women, who have experienced abuse, ultimatums. For example, “If you…

Stockholm Syndrome in the context of abuse?

Sep 22, 20172 min read

Stockholm Syndrome was coined 40 years ago at the end of a six-day bank siege…

What should we be able to expect in our relationships?

Sep 16, 20172 min read

Sometimes women impacted by abuse wonder if their expectations are too high. In our experience…

His goal in couples counselling was to gain more control over me

Aug 26, 20171 min read

We had been married 15 years. Things had been very hard for a long time.…

Interview with Danielle Smith, 770 Radio Calgary

Jan 8, 20171 min read

In 2016 Danielle Smith, with Newstalk 770 on the AM dial, interviewed us about our…

Jill and Karen, on What She Said

Dec 15, 20161 min read

The When Love Hurts team was recently on What She Said and we had a…

Interview with Ward and Al

Oct 18, 20161 min read

Our interview with Allison Dore and Arthur Simeon on Ward and Al…

Struggling to find the “right” words so your partner will stop hurting you?

Sep 29, 20162 min read

Have you ever thought, “if I could just say the ‘right’ thing to my partner,…

One Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *