The Pandemic Trap

4 Comments

1. The book is excellent. Thanks for it.
   I’m stumped in trying to get any tangible support from any DV organization in Lynnwood, WA. Been trying got 5 years now. Risked a lot to go in person after calling the Y Pathways for Women. Called beforehand went in as they said & they acted like it was odd I was there & I stated my needs & questions clearly & regretted going in. Now they don’t even answer the phone or return messages & the only resources offered by local DV line are BS & don’t exist or no one will answer phone or return voice mails. Other services a aside from these, that I keep getting referred to that are pointless & bogus, I can’t try to access in this county or my neighbor King County, othetnpotential help because my ex-partner who has had me captive for 5 years is a social worker with access to both counties social services networks & computer banks. They are connected thru his job. He met & groomed me thru his job so I’m screwed on any other help/resources. Have tried churches , police .
   I have no one. I’m almost 53, disabled & my only relative is my mom who is in bed stage congestive heart failure & advanced dementia & I’m her guardian.
   The help I need is SUPPORT, counseling as I prepare my motorhome to leave him & be homeless in a pandemic. My friends are dead. I’m alone. He chose me well when his other 2 got free of him with family help.
   I’m strong but so worn down & terrified , his abuse has tanked my health; dangerously high blood pressure, diabetes , asthma & in high risk group for covid ,etc, & recovering from over a week of intense toxic wildfire smoke in my RV. I stay in RV so he won’t hurt me but have to go in house for bathing & laundry & still get hurt doing that . He is diabolical . I do do not love him anymore. He HATES women & is a total coward in all ways. I’m here because I need HELP to get out. I’m finding NONE & am so exhausted & afraid of heart attack/stroke & what horrid thing & harm he will do next. He is a violent sadist. I’m 100% isolated & in danger. What can I do & who else should I try to contact? Thanks for any ideas.

2. Thank you for your post. I will message you directly.

3. I am working through your book and it’s been really helpful and quite informative. I thank you for the work that went into this.

   I do have one concern, and it’s under the section of “How do I get support as a mother” on page 120 of my copy. You list some resources and one of them is called Divorce Poison by Dr. Richard Warshak. I am actually very surprised and disappointed to see this used as a resource for abused women. I purchased the book based on the title and the hopes I could prevent my narcissistic ex husband to stop bashing me to our children and prevent them from being brainwashed by him. I got the book and put it aside for when my mental health was such that I could tackle it.

   I opened it a few weeks ago and read the forward and was appalled to see that he thanks Dr. Richard Gardner, a leader of the Fathers Rights movement, and a pedophile at heart. After seeing that he is encouraged by a sick man’s work, I could not bring myself to read it. I know their motive is to allow abusive men, who feel that the safe parent(mom) is the problem, to have more time and custody and force abused children to “love” them because the safe parent is claimed to be incapable or accused of “parental alienation,” a debunked claim. So knowing the background on the leader of that movement (Gardner), and seeing this well renowned author (Warshak) given credit in a book that is aimed at helping abused women(WLH), seems like a very massive contradiction. I would strongly encourage the removal of that as a recommendation, as Warshak’s motive is to safeguard the abusive parent from being pushed out of the picture and allowed to continue the cycle of abuse. And the safe parent is then left fighting a system that supports the abusive parent. Please please consider finding a better recommendation. It scares me to see this listed!

4. Thank you so much for your comment! You are 100% right. Jill and I will look in to having Penguin Random House remove that line from the book. In the meantime, can I encourage you to get a black marker and remove that line yourself. (And everyone else who is reading this comment!) We are sorry for the distress this line caused you. Everything Jill and I know, we know from women like you. And the whole “Parental Alienation” lie has become more and more clear since our last edition (the one you have) came out in 2016. We always knew abusive men were doing everything they could to try to destroy the relationship between mother and child. In our experience women who have experienced abuse never engage in such behaviour. But we have learned so much more since 2016 as woman after woman has navigated the nightmare that is “family court”. I will also write a blog about this when I have the time to do it justice. Again, thank you for bringing it to our attention. I didn’t even remember that we had put that reference in back then. We would never do that now. Jill and I are so sorry to hear of the incredible pain and injustice you and your children continue to experience and wish you well in your future. Karen