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Abusive men will accuse their partners of being “selfish”

The women I work with, who have experienced abuse, are not selfish. In fact they are most often caring and compassionate people who focus a great deal of attention on their children and others. Sometimes, if they are still with their partner, they also pay a lot of attention to him and try to make life easier and better in the family and in the relationship. It is common, however, for abusive men to accuse their partners of being selfish. This is so confusing. Women will get accused for being selfish when they ask for very reasonable things – like a bit of space to process something or an evening out with some girlfriends. One thing to know about the mindset of abusive men is that they are, in fact, selfish. Abusive people in general are profoundly self-focused. They go through life thinking only about themselves, what they want, what they need. Because selfishness is part of their mindset or belief system, they accuse their partners of doing what they are doing. They really just think about themselves and assume that everyone else is just thinking about themselves. So they accuse their partners of being selfish.

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When Love Hurts