Dominant discourses and social myths about woman abuse

The social narratives about woman abuse are common social beliefs that are widely held and perpetuated, and can be extremely damaging to women. These narratives are based on outdated opinions, stereotypes and myths about women. They are treated as ‘the truth’ but these narratives do not reflect the realities of male violence. We call these dominant discourses because they are the conversations and perspectives in society that ‘win out’ over women’s voices and experiences. These dominant discourses are often wrongly used to interpret and judge women’s experiences and silence and disempower women. 

Dominant discourses about woman abuse also shape service delivery models and economic, social and public policy. Policies lead to decisions about the types of services that governments offer (family court services, child protection, income assistance, housing, etc.) and what interventions and services will be funded in the women’s sector. Funding decisions based on inaccurate beliefs about woman abuse has resulted in services that fail to address the complexities and impacts of abuse. Many women-serving agencies are limited in what they can offer because funding structures do not reflect women’s needs for practical and long-term advocacy and support, stable housing and food security.

Common discourses such as victim blaming, choice, autonomy and responsibility are used to hold women to a higher standard than men for their behaviours. For example, it is common for women to be blamed for being abused if they were drinking; conversely, abusive men are deemed not responsible for their actions if they were drinking. Women who are being abused by a partner may be judged as ‘bad’ mothers for not protecting their children from witnessing abuse, yet there are no consequences for abusive men who expose their children to their violence. To amplify the injustice, many abusive men are allowed to control the narrative in family court, child protection, and health and mental health services, where they paint a picture of their partners as ‘the problem’ that needs to be treated, controlled or punished. In this way, abusive men are given institutional power to control their partners, thus re-harming the very women who turn to the systems for support. At the same time, women are expected to meet the excessive demands of legal and other systems to prove the abuse and to prove that they are deserving of support.

Social stereotypes often depict women impacted by abuse as weak, codependent, dishonest, submissive, poor, deserving of abuse, uneducated, untrustworthy, addicted, mentally ill, etc. These false yet enduring dominant discourses about women’s motives, character and circumstances are often inappropriately used to explain why abuse happens to women, why women stay with abusive men, why certain women ‘deserve’ abuse, why men’s rights trump women’s and children’s safety, etc. These discourses ignore the impacts and risks that abusive men create and how they take away all safe or good choices for women. The woman in the quote below illuminates some of the problems with the ‘choice’ narrative, and also highlights how women themselves come to adopt the dominant discourse to explain what has happened to them.

Ironically, these same assumptions of choice, free will and responsibility do not similarly frame the dominant discourse about abusive men. Society does not ask why some men abuse women, or why they employ malicious, intentional tactics to maintain power and control over their partners. We don’t question their motives, or ask how they benefit from subjecting women to an endless onslaught of demeaning and terrifying acts of oppression and humiliation, or why they expose their children to the abuse of their mother. Yet women are often subject to false assumptions such as ‘they choose abusive men’; ‘they derive something out of being abused’; or ‘they are putting their children at risk’.

Dominant discourses put a lot of pressure on women to “do something” about their partners’ abuse: ‘she should leave’; ‘she should protect her children’; ‘she should get a protection order’, ‘she should get counselling’, ‘she should give him another chance’, etc. These messages emerge from the narrative that women are responsible for stopping their partners’ abuse and that more broadly, women are responsible for ‘fixing’ relationships. When services and government agencies do not hold abusive men accountable for the abuse, they inadvertently perpetuate the narrative that women are the problem, which diminishes the incredible work women are doing to resist the abuse while trying to protect themselves and their children.

How we talk about a problem shapes how we respond to it. Policies, organizations, services and interventions are often formed by relying on these inaccurate dominant discourses and opinions about woman abuse rather than using reliable and valid evidence. As we noted earlier for example, the dominant narrative in the patriarchal judicial system rests on the belief that a man has a “right” to his children, which supersedes women’s and children’s right to safety. This legislated belief can embolden abusive men’s sense of entitlement and send the message to women that their safety and the safety of their children is not a priority.

What we have learned from women is that they are doing many things to try to ‘fix the problem’ – to resist or end the abuse and protect their children. But as they try to access help, women are often profoundly disappointed by non-profit, social and government systems because they fail to prioritize their safety and well-being. And women rarely receive the message that abusive men are responsible for stopping the abuse. In fact, women and children are often further harmed by institutional responses that overlook all the safety and practical needs that women require in order for them to safely leave an abusive partner.

After a year and a half, clean and sober, I got my kid back, and went back to school. Then I lost my daughter again because of the abuse. A guy beat me up. Cracked my wrists. Because my daughter was there, she was taken away again. It’s like they were looking for a reason.

– Sadia

We have identified some of the most persistent and damaging myths about woman abuse, and offer women’s voices to reframe these myths to better reflect women’s realities. Below, we illustrate the process of identifying and reframing two dominant discourses. You will notice that some of these myths are in conflict with each other; women often find themselves in these double binds. An example of this is that women are expected to protect their children from an abusive father and also to ensure that their children are not “alienated” from their father, despite his abusive behaviour. (For the full article, see our Best Practice Guide and Curriculum, available on this website).

1. Discourse:  violence against women