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The When Love Hurts blog

What does a full, real, apology look like?

Ever wondered what a full apology might look like in the face of real harm or abuse? A friend of mine is a counsellor who works with men who have been abusive. She shares with them the 3 steps to a full apology. A man who has been abusive, who wants to start to heal […]

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“Forgive and Forget”?

Where does that expression “forgive and forget” come from and is it from the Bible? No! There is no place in the Bible where it says “forgive and forget”. I don’t know where the saying originates, but I can tell you with complete confidence, it does not come from the Bible. If you have experienced […]

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What does the Bible really say about forgiveness?

Women who have experienced abuse are often plagued with the idea that they should forgive the person who has abused them. Sometimes it is the abusive person is pushing for this, sometimes it is friends, family or church leaders, and sometimes the woman feels like it is the “right” thing to do. Some Christian women […]

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Why are women pressured to forgive their abuser?

Women, especially Christian women, are often pressured to forgive their partners. I never understand the urgency around this. Sometimes I think church leaders want this to happen because they then think that everything will be “okay” and they can move on to other concerns but nothing is okay for the woman. It seems obvious that […]

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When is the “right time” for forgiveness

When women are experiencing on-going abuse, forgiveness is not the issue. Safety is. A woman needs to focus on trying to keep herself and her children safe. Even after separation, forgiveness is not the issue. Typically women continue to experience abuse from an ex-partner. Just because she has left does not mean that the abuse […]

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When is the wrong time for forgiveness

Women who have experienced abuse are often pressured to forgive their partners. When they feel unable to do this, they sometimes think there is something “wrong” with them or that they are not good people. But lots of times forgiveness is not the right or appropriate thing to do in a given situation.If the man […]

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It is not about forgiveness when everything is broken

A woman shared these thoughts about forgiveness in the context of abuse. I would like to share them with you. My husband has been abusive to me for years. His behaviour has caused unimaginable destruction in my life. Every once in a while, he will say, “I’m sorry. Forgive me.” Those words seem ridiculous to me. […]

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When Love Hurts