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Currently browsing Helpful Ideas for Women

Struggling to find the “right” words so your partner will stop hurting you?

Have you ever thought, “if I could just say the ‘right’ thing to my partner, then he would finally ‘get it’, understand and change?” Have you ever wondered if somehow you could make your relationship better if you just had the right combination of words… or tone of voice… or proper explanation? Abusive men often […]

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4 signs your counsellor might have training in abuse

If asked, most counsellors will say that they have training in abuse but it is not part of the standard curriculum for most counselling programs. So, how can you figure out if your counsellor really does understand abuse or simply thinks they understand? Here are a few things you could look for: Do they hold […]

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Why I Stayed

Our society believes that if you are being abused by your partner, you should leave – right away. But this is not women’s experience. Leaving a relationship, where there has been abuse, is practically and emotionally very complex. There is no “easy” solution when it comes to abuse. Whether you are living with your partner […]

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Cutting off contact with an abusive ex – Facebook

In 2015 it is very hard to cut off contact with an abusive ex. Facebook can be one of many links that keep you in touch with him. Even if you “unfriend” him, you may find his face popping up on other friends’ feed. Or you might hear about things he is doing through other […]

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Victim or Survivor?

VICTIM or SURVIVOR? These words hold power! We may toss these terms around without considering this. I have used them both many times referring to myself. For a long time I embraced the word “victim”. It helped me realize that what had happened was not my fault. I wore it like a badge of honor […]

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That abusive ex that keeps texting you! Ideas and solutions

In 2015 it is very hard to cut off contact with an abusive ex. Many women report that their ex-partners will continue to verbally and emotionally abuse them, after separation, using texts. They will send threatening texts or crazy-making texts, texts that will have them feeling sorry for their ex-partner or texts that will make them […]

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“Co-parenting” with an abusive ex

If you have separated from your partner, you are probably still sabotaged in your attempts to mother your children. Sometimes, painfully, women lose custody of their children to their abusive ex-partners. Some abusive men work hard – post separation – to alienate the children from their mom. These are some of the hardest and most […]

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The advantages of “singletasking”

We have heard lots about multitasking and I think many of us pride ourselves on our ability to do two things at once. But recent research on the brain suggests that none of us can actually multitask. When we think we are doing that, we are simply quickly moving back and forth between two tasks. […]

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You can’t rationalize with an irrational person

Jill and I see women working very hard to communicate with their partners. Women try to explain themselves and be rational with their partners. But the problem is that their partners are abusive and abuse is not rational. Abuse is about power and control. It is about diminishing the other person and “winning” the argument. […]

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Abusive Men – Blame Shifting Ninjas

Abusive men have patterns to their behaviour. One of those patterns is that they tend to shift blame from themselves and on to others – particularly their partners. They hone their blame shifting skills to a very high level. For example, a man might blame his failure to live up to a responsibility (like picking […]

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When Love Hurts