Abusive men blame their partners for everything. This is one of the hallmarks of abusiveness. They will blame their partners because their kids don’t want to see them. They will blame their partners for abandoning them. They will blame their partners for “destroying the family”. But really, the abusive man is just facing the consequences …
The Blame Game vs. the Consequences of His Actions Read More »
I am sure you’ve heard it before. “It takes two to tango.” It’s a lie. If a person is actually talking about dancing, it may be true, but if they are talking about relationship problems, it is not true. It takes two people to make a healthy and happy relationship. It takes two people to be mature …
When a woman has experienced abuse from an intimate partner, friends, family and helping professionals tend to be very free with their advice. Women get told they should try harder to make the relationship work. They should have better better boundaries. They should love their partners more or they should be patient and wait for …
I avoid greeting people with, “how are you?” I work as a counsellor and so most of the people I am meeting cannot answer that question quickly or positively. How are they doing? It would take a full hour to say how they are doing and lots of what they have to say is painful …
A woman from one of our groups shared this feedback with us. We want to share it with you: I loved being in the When Love Hurts Support Group. It was so helpful for me. One moment that stands out for me is the moment that I understood that it wasn’t my fault. The abuse …
The moment I realized the abuse was not my fault Read More »
I have been leading support groups for women impacted by abuse for 17 years. About 10 years ago I led a group designed particularly for Christian women. On about week 7 of the group, one of the women shared that she had been suicidal for years because she had vowed to stay with her husband; …
When Christian women feel like suicide is the only “way out” Read More »
Women who have experienced abuse are often plagued with the idea that they should forgive the person who has abused them. Sometimes it is the abusive person is pushing for this, sometimes it is friends, family or church leaders, and sometimes the woman feels like it is the “right” thing to do. Some Christian women …
What does the Bible really say about forgiveness? Read More »
Women, especially Christian women, are often pressured to forgive their partners. I never understand the urgency around this. Sometimes I think church leaders want this to happen because they then think that everything will be “okay” and they can move on to other concerns but nothing is okay for the woman. It seems obvious that …
Why are women pressured to forgive their abuser? Read More »
When women are experiencing on-going abuse, forgiveness is not the issue. Safety is. A woman needs to focus on trying to keep herself and her children safe. Even after separation, forgiveness is not the issue. Typically women continue to experience abuse from an ex-partner. Just because she has left does not mean that the abuse …
Women who have experienced abuse are often pressured to forgive their partners. When they feel unable to do this, they sometimes think there is something “wrong” with them or that they are not good people. But lots of times forgiveness is not the right or appropriate thing to do in a given situation.If the man …
I grew up in a church where equality between men and women was modelled. Women held positions of leadership and I saw respect and mutuality modelled by my parents and the other adult couples in my life. I did not encounter the idea that a “wife should submit” until I was in my 20’s. As …
Does the Bible really say that “wives should submit”? Read More »
In my second year of university, I went to a huge Christian youth conference in the states. I had a room mate who was from a fundamentalist Christian family. One night we got talking about relationships and she told me, “of course, the man is the head of the household.” I was shocked that such …
Does the Bible really say that the man is the “head” of the house? Read More »
