skip to main content

The When Love Hurts blog

Taking Emotional Abuse Seriously

Shirley Parkinson was murdered by her husband of 27 years in Oct. 2014. Her family is speaking about her death in hopes of raising awareness. It has been brought to light that six women have been murdered by their male partners in the last year in Saskatchewan. I appreciated Piya Chatopadhyay’s coverage of this story […]

Read more

“All sorrows can be borne if put into a story”

In our support groups, stories are central. The group is a safe place for women to talk about what is happening or has happened in their lives. For many women, the group is the only place they can talk about these things. We see how, by getting to tell the stories of their lives, women […]

Read more

That abusive ex that keeps texting you! Ideas and solutions

In 2015 it is very hard to cut off contact with an abusive ex. Many women report that their ex-partners will continue to verbally and emotionally abuse them, after separation, using texts. They will send threatening texts or crazy-making texts, texts that will have them feeling sorry for their ex-partner or texts that will make them […]

Read more

“Co-parenting” with an abusive ex

If you have separated from your partner, you are probably still sabotaged in your attempts to mother your children. Sometimes, painfully, women lose custody of their children to their abusive ex-partners. Some abusive men work hard – post separation – to alienate the children from their mom. These are some of the hardest and most […]

Read more

What does a full, real, apology look like?

Ever wondered what a full apology might look like in the face of real harm or abuse? A friend of mine is a counsellor who works with men who have been abusive. She shares with them the 3 steps to a full apology. A man who has been abusive, who wants to start to heal […]

Read more

How abusive men use texts to continue the abuse

Many women report that their ex-partners will continue to verbally and emotionally abuse them, after separation, using texts. Sometimes a woman will come in to an appointment with me and hand me her cell phone. We will scroll through the texts together and the pattern of abuse is clear. Sometimes the abuser may do what […]

Read more

Montreal Gazette tells women’s stories

We were so pleased to see a great article in the Montreal Gazette telling several women’s stories of experiencing abuse from their partners. We were glad to see a description of several types of abuse including financial, religious and cultural. The article talked about how long it takes to rebuild from an abusive relationship. It […]

Read more

Anxiety that may lead to suicidal thoughts

I recently heard Dr. Ronald Siegal of Harvard medical school speak about suicide and anxiety. He said that studies have shown that most people who attempt suicide later describe that it was not depression but rather anxiety that drove them to depression. That’s interesting because I think most of us think of depression as being […]

Read more

When helping professionals mirror controlling behaviour

Sometimes ‘helping professionals’ do harm to women. This is not their intention but it does happen. How is this possible? Well, let’s think about the dynamics of abuse. Men who are abusive are motivated by a desire to have power and control over their partner. They have a need to feel superior. Men who are […]

Read more

Brave Woman

Oh Brave Woman. You have said “no more”. You have walked out or changed the locks or closed your ears to lies spat at you night after night. You are brave like Rosa Parks who on December 1,1955, in Montgomery, Alabama decided she must live as the full human being she was. She did a […]

Read more

The advantages of “singletasking”

We have heard lots about multitasking and I think many of us pride ourselves on our ability to do two things at once. But recent research on the brain suggests that none of us can actually multitask. When we think we are doing that, we are simply quickly moving back and forth between two tasks. […]

Read more
When Love Hurts