Many types of abuse | When Love Hurts

There are many different types of abuse. Here is a list of abuse women from our support groups have identified. If you think you are experiencing abuse from your partner, it may be helpful to read through the list and see what applies to you. If someone you know is experiencing abuse, this list might help you to understand some of the things your loved one has experienced.

Psychological/Mental Abuse

Any act intended to undermine your mental well-being and make you feel crazy.

telling me I’m crazy
giving me the silent treatment
manipulating me
playing mind games
wearing down my instincts
watching
stalking
distorting reality
bringing up the past to deflect the issue at hand
using information against me
rewriting history
intimidating or threatening me and claiming he’s “just joking”
putting on a good show to win others to his side
giving me glaring looks
making me prove things to him
demanding perfection
changing the rules

Physical/Threat of Physical Abuse

Any unwanted physical contact or threat of physical contact or harm.

making threatening gestures
driving recklessly
throwing things at me or near me
restraining me
blocking my exit from the room
pushing, shoving, hitting, slapping, punching
using weapons to threaten me or the children
spitting
choking
pulling my hair
biting or pinching
kicking
grabbing or shaking
locking me out of the house
threatening to kill me

Verbal Abuse

Any use of words or volume of voice to threaten, belittle or injure you.

yelling or screaming
putting me down
swearing
using “sarcasm” & hurtful “jokes”
saying “you always . . .” or “you never . . .”
blaming me
being condescending

Sexual Abuse

Any unwanted sexual contact or use of sex against you.

ridiculing me for saying “no”
pushing sexual acts that I do not consent to
withholding sex because he says I’m undesirable
using my past sexual experience against me
insisting on using pornography
having or threatening to have an affair
coercing sex by guilt, harassment or threats
forcing sex (rape)
criticizing how I dress (too sexy or not sexy enough)
telling me I’m not “good enough”
telling me I’m fat and undesirable
putting me down sexually (e.g., calling me whore, slut, frigid, prude, etc.)
demanding sex as payment
talking to others about our sex life
Spiritual Abuse

Any word or action that isolates or damages your spiritual beliefs.

using religious authority against me
attacking my beliefs
using scripture against me
isolating me from my religious community
destroying my soul
Using Children

Any involvement, manipulation, threats or use of children in the abuse.

belittling me in front of children
using children to his advantage
threatening to take children from me
fighting me for custody of the children
not paying child support
telling me I’m a terrible mother
abusing the children
threatening to harm the children
using visitation to harass me

Social Abuse

Any attempt to cut you off from sources of support and care.

isolating me
cutting me off from friends
embarrassing me in front of others
controlling who I spend time with
refusing to spend time with the family
being jealous
criticizing family members and friends so I stop seeing them
monitoring phone calls
monitoring car mileage
preventing me from working

Cultural Abuse

Any use of cultural ideas as a way to dominate or belittle you.

using culture to legitimize abusive behavior
putting down my culture
forcing me to adopt his cultural practices
speaking his language to exclude me
using extended family to oppress me
refusing to allow me to learn mainstream culture

Emotional Abuse

Any act intended to undermine your emotional well-being and doubt your reality.

teasing
trying to tell me how to feel
putting me in a “no win” situation
using a threatening tone of voice
being jealous
intimidating me
changing mood quickly (e.g., from calm to anger)
giving mixed messages (e.g., love and hate)
behaving unpredictably
withdrawing emotionally
making me feel guilty
being competitive
invalidating my feelings
blaming me for everything
withholding affection
waking me up in the middle of the night
threatening suicide
making light of the abuse
withdrawing emotionally

Intellectual Abuse

Any act intended to make you doubt your intellectual ability and make you feel inferior.

making me look stupid
claiming superior intelligence
correcting my grammar
confusing me
belittling my intellectual ability
not letting me finish my sentences
showing off his higher education

Financial Abuse

Any intentional act that deprives you (or your children) of financial security or limits your access to financial decision making.

making me account for every cent
making me justify every purchase
withholding financial information
hiding money from me
limiting my access to money
closing out joint bank accounts without my consent
spending money needed for the household on himself (or gambling it away)
belittling my financial contributions to the household
threatening to take all the money if I should separate
spending money carelessly
making me beg for money
forcing me to commit welfare fraud
running up bills
leaving me with the burden of paying bills when there’s not enough money
making financial decisions without me
not paying child support

Abuse of Pets and Property

Hurting pets or damaging property in order to intimidate, control and hurt you.

threatening to hurt pets
punching walls and doors
killing pets
throwing things
damaging the vehicle
smashing things
breaking treasured items