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Cutting off contact with an abusive ex – Facebook

In 2015 it is very hard to cut off contact with an abusive ex. Facebook can be one of many links that keep you in touch with him. Even if you “unfriend” him, you may find his face popping up on other friends’ feed. Or you might hear about things he is doing through other peoples’ posts. Hearing about him is likely to have a negative impact on you. If you hear he is doing really well, this will upset you because you are likely feeling devastated. If you hear that he is sad, lonely, depressed, you may find yourself feeling sorry for him which might lead you to be back in touch with him.

Another problem is he may be able to snoop into your life through Facebook. Again, even if you “unfriend” him, he can probably access information about you through mutual friends. Using Facebook in this way seems to be a form of cyberstalking that a lot of abusive men do after separation. Because of this dynamic, many women decide to step back from Facebook at least for a while. Some women just erase their Facebook accounts (which of course means you may lose touch with some people) other women change their setting so that only their closest friends and family can see their posts. Some women decide to just take a break from Facebook or find other ways to stay in touch with family and friends. Whatever you decide to do for yourself, think about what is most likely to bring you some peace of mind. Abusive men tend to to use whatever is available to them to continue to control or manipulate their partners or ex-partners. If Facebook is one way he is still getting at you or hurting you, you might want to think about changing how you engage Facebook. It isn’t really fair that you might need to make this change but limiting the ways he can get at you may give you greater peace.

 

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When Love Hurts