Women stand side by side looking into the sunset over the water.

Welcome to the When Love Hurts blog!

Well, Karen and I have just published the 2nd edition of our book When Love Hurts: A Woman’s Guide to Understanding Abuse in Relationships. With over 11,000 copies sold and a wonderful response from women, transition houses, women’s shelters and women’s support and advocacy workers, we felt it was time to update the book and add a new chapter. We have learned so much from women over the years about the painful process of coming to terms with the realities of living in an abusive relationship.

When we wrote the 1st edition, we didn’t have a lot of experiencing understanding how women grieved and healed from abuse. Over the past 8 years, we have had the privilege of walking alongside women who have left their abusive partner, or witnessed their partners’ changes. We needed to write about this experience so other women could learn from this. So, we now have a chapter entitled “How do I heal from the abuse?”

It has been a truly amazing journey over the past 8 years since Karen and I embarked on co-authoring “When Love Hurts”. In our experience, women work hard to find support and understanding but too often receive misinformation. Sometimes women are told by well-intentioned professionals that it is their fault, echoing the accusations of their abusive partner. Without understanding the painful, confusing and dangerous dynamics of abuse, women are instructed to change: be more assertive, be less assertive, be more independent, stop being co-dependent, quit work and focus on the family, go back to work and gain independence, stop dressing like that, start caring for yourself, work on communicating more effectively, accept her partner as his is, and the list goes on. We’re sure you have stories about bad advice; explanations why your partner is abusive or how it’s your fault.

We hope that this blog and this website will be a place for you to come for helpful information. It is our goal to post ideas that will ring true to your experience. Keep coming back as we will try to post new thoughts on a regular basis.

If you’d like to share your experiences or if you have any questions, please leave a comment below or email us directly at info (at) whenlovehurts.ca!


Similar Posts


  1. After 15 years of working on a relationship that only left me feeling more and more tired, confused and hurt, I was given the book When Love Hurts. The book totally discribed my life of confusion which at the time I had no idea centered around abuse. Because there was no physical abuse the possibility didn’t evan cross my mind. After I read the book and learned that abuse was a cycle, that it could be experienced in forms other than just physical and centered around power and contol, our relationship finally made sence. I understand that change for an abusive spouse is very difficult, but I was fortunate. After I recieved the support I needed and the education around abuse from When Loves Hurts I then confronted my spouse. By the grace of God, he was willing to listen, be educated, and through a very difficult journey of his own was able to make nessesary changes to save our marriage. Soon we will celabrate our 20th anniversary and although we need to work on our relationship daily with the information we recieved through the book I continue to have hope for a future together. When love Hurts played a key role in saving not just my life but also my marriage. I will be forever thankfull!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *